I Hate My Life; the Moment You Need Transformation

Prabhleen Gupta

Founder- Personal Mastery

I Hate My Life
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We often say this phrase to ourselves when we spill a cup of coffee or forget to complete some urgent task. “I hate myself” or “I hate my life” are the common words that we keep on saying. But how much we mean it makes the biggest difference.

Some say it out of habit but some believe it and keep on repeating it to themselves. First of all, it is fine to have disappointments in your life, but if you have gone too far in disliking yourself or your life then it is something you need to transform as soon as possible.

Why do we hate the life we are living?

The term is referred to as self-hatred and self-hatred is similar to living with a bully but inside your body. That bully is your constant hater and never spare a single moment to criticize you. The criticism keeps lowering your self-esteem and the hatred for yourself keeps on increasing with each passing day.

The bully makes you hate your looks, body, and everything around you. Gradually, this feeling makes you feel like giving up on everything that you have and you feel suffocated inside your body and disgusted with your personality.

Self-hatred emerges from the spiral of bad incidents that had negative impacts on your life. Sometimes, a trauma of your childhood leaves you feeling bad about yourself for your whole life. It must be the depression that took the form of self-hatred when you felt less worthy or believed somehow that nobody would ever love you.

People who have been depressed for a long time develop a never-ending self-hatred. Also, someone who has been emotionally unavailable seems to hate themselves more as they feel they are not worthy of anybody’s love.

Sometimes, the reason for self-hatred is the dreams piled up that you failed to achieve. We all have dreamed a life and written the goals that we want to achieve before 30 or 40 or 50. But when we fail to achieve those things, we start blaming ourselves and those failures and the blames make us hate ourselves more than anything else.

It is quite normal and happens with everybody because we all are imperfect. But things go wrong when we fail to deal with that hatred.

How to deal with self-hate

People deal with self-hate in different ways. Some numb their feelings and make the things live at the outer layer and never let them in for their whole life. However, some get too much indulged in their emotions that they fail to overcome the misery of their life.

People start avoiding things and never take anything seriously in life including their life. While some try to overcompensate their failures and think of bringing big changes in society and the world.

We will not talk about never feeling the self-hatred again or vanishing it from the roots, it is not possible. There is self-loathing which is quite normal and there is nothing wrong with it. We are talking about stopping at a point where self-hate does not transform into psychopathy or we do not do things regretful things.

You do not have to fake your self-esteem to hide your insecurities or self-hate. All you have to do is work on hating yourself a little less and keep on working on your life to wake up loving it every day.

Saying “NO”

Self-hatred unintentionally makes us people pleasers. We end up doing things that we regret later on or when someone asks for a favor, we end up nodding yes to them no matter how much we are shouting a NO from inside. And then we hate ourselves more and the spiral keeps on moving the same way.

The reason is we try to do everything in our reach to make others happy. We put every effort to make others believe that we are not that awful. No matter how low we think of ourselves, we do not want others to think that way about us.

However, “no” is a powerful word when you know how and when to say it. You do not need to agree to everything someone says to you. When there is a meaningless thing, you must take a stand and say no in their face. You need to understand that people do not have boundaries when it comes to taking, so you have to maintain the boundaries while giving.

People will not overstep their boundaries if you will maintain them gracefully. It is not something that comes easily to everybody especially when you are dealing with low self-esteem. But it is the first step that you need to take for self-love.

Saying no is quite important for your own respect. People would start respecting the day you will respect yourself.

Don’t let the things consume you

When you are too involved in something and that comes out as a failure or the complete opposite of what you expected it to be, we feel like a failure and our whole life seems like merely a wastage.

Even if it is the relationship in which you have invested your time, energy, and everything you ever had with time it took a bad shape. You do have to feel like your life has ended with your failed relationship or when your business failed or you were not able to achieve the things at the right age.

Remember that everything happening in your life is like a cherry on the top of the cake and not the whole cake. So, do not let the things and the people in your life consume you. Your life and mental peace are more important than anything else in the world.

Let out the hatred

One of the most common reasons for developing self-hate is that we keep our insecurities inside us. We are too embarrassed to talk about ourselves that we keep a happy face on no matter how much things are eating us from inside.

These are the insecurities that we believe in concealing as we are afraid of people hating, leaving, or even laughing at us. But hardly have we understood that there are many like us who are fighting with the same insecurities but how would we know if we never let them out.

So, the best way is to let the hatred out and speak about the things that we have never spoken before about ourselves. And there would be people who will love for who you are and make you feel good about yourself and you will never feel the same again. Maybe you do not know but it is the best way to develop trust in any relationship when you are open about how you feel.

Learn the art of forgiveness

Here we are not only talking about forgiving others but also ourselves. Forgive others for the mistake they had made or the time when they hurt you. Also, forgive yourself for not being able to be there for yourself when you needed it the most. And for not achieving everything you have dreamt of.

When you do not forgive, you keep the grudges inside you. The thing is you think you are punishing the people by never forgiving them but in reality, you are punishing yourself more. The hatred that you develop inside you is transforming slowly into self-hatred. So, let that thing go out of your mind and heart.

Life does not come easy to everyone and there are battles that everybody is fighting. Forgiveness set yourself free, it is a bliss that only rare people understand.

Accept the failure

One thing you need to understand is that self-love does not come from failures or success. It comes from how you feel about it. Some achieve success at an early age in their life but some keep on trying and get famous in the late 60s. It is not about the success or the failure, it is about the mindset.

If you love yourself, you do not need the approval of your success. Self-love is appreciating the experiences you are gaining with every failure.

Stop engaging in self-talk

If you are talking bad about yourself, stop that. If you are talking good about yourself, stop that too. Yes, you heard it right. Any sort of talk that makes you judge yourself would end up in self-loathing. People also take NLP therapy to stop thinking too bad or too good for themselves. When you talk bad about yourself, you will start feeling worse. Also, when you talk good about yourself, your expectations for yourself would increase and you will end up regretting if you meet any failure in life.

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