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How to Detect Toxicity in Your Relationship

Prabhleen Gupta

Prabhleen Gupta

Founder- Personal Mastery

Detect Toxicity in Your Relationship
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Things flow pretty easily when you are in a healthy relationship. You do not have to force happiness, understanding, or love in that situation. There might be some rough patches in a healthy relationship as well. But you two talk through it and will make things work at the end.

But it goes otherwise when you are in a toxic relationship. There is blaming during and after the fights. The words like sorry, and please stop making any difference to you anymore. People often overlook the red flags in a relationship, especially when they are in a toxic relationship.

There are times when we feel drained after spending time with someone. That is the sign that you might be in a toxic relationship.

The primary issue that we face is that people are okay with having toxicity in their relationships. But destroys the peace of mind and ruins the happiness in your life. In such situations, the NLP coach is always there to drag you out of a toxic relationship or help you fix it.

Signs that your relationship is toxic

Some relationships are actually toxic, but people think it’s normal and everything will be fine after some time.

Here are some signs that you are normalizing the toxic relationship.

The past mistakes are never forgiven

It is the situation when the partners keep score for the mistakes of each other. If you have made a mistake that has affected your partner or relationship, you would never be able to get over it. Your partner would remind you of it time and again. And if you do the same, it is known as keeping a relationship scorecard. At the end of the week or the month, you both would keep a count of who has messed up more, and that person would be considered more wrong than the other one.

If you are trying to keep a score and make things even according to it, there could be nothing more wrong than that. Fighting in the present and bringing up the past mistakes is the most toxic thing you can do; it only increases the bitterness. The main motive in your conscious or unconscious mind is to make your partner feel guilt and shame over their past mistake so that you can win the present fight.

How to make it right

You have to understand that there is no point of return; what’s been done is done. If your partner is already regretting the mistake, then deal with it at that time only. Raising the same topic again would only make things worse; they won’t regret it anymore. Instead, they would stop feeling bad for it.

Being in the passive-aggressive situation

It means that if you have some issue with your partner, you do not say it directly to them, but you drop hints and expect them to understand. If they do not understand, you will have a point to make them feel bad and justify yourself by dropping the hints.

The toxicity in this situation is that you two are not comfortable sharing your views with each other. You cannot talk openly about what is upsetting you or something you do not want your partner to do. The insecurity in a relationship becomes the reason for this passive-aggressive behavior. If you are free to open up about your issues, then the relationship is healthy; otherwise, there is no point in being in it.

How to make it right

Being open about what’s bothering you is the right thing you can do. But you can also state that your partner is not necessarily responsible for that, or you are not blaming them. Instead, you need their support to understand you in that situation so that you can make things right. If they are the one for you, they will definitely understand what you are going through.

Playing the indirect blackmailing game

It is quite common when people keep their relationship hostage for threatening their partner and keeping it at stake. Most of the time, the blackmailing and threatening are indirect, and we use their care to save the relationship as a weapon. People often say, “I can’t be with someone who is immature” instead of saying, “your immaturity is not good at this point” or “you need to act mature in this situation.”

This is toxic because you are using your relationship and threatening them to leave if they do not act the way you want them to. Your toxicity makes them insecure about the relationship, and they would never be able to express what they feel and start suppressing their emotions in the relation. They would be bound to behave like you want them to do, and the relationship will start suffocating them at some point.

How to make this situation right

Instead of threatening them or feeling like leaving them, you must understand that you are dating the whole person, not their good side only. The person’s flaws also come in the package, and you should learn to deal with their every side. Being patient is essential when the time is challenging for both of you. You do not have to force yourself into loving everything about them but blackmailing them is not an option.

Lashing out for your own emotions

There are times when you need your partner’s support more than ever, but for some reason they are not able to give it to you or not that aware of your requirement at that moment. In such a situation, you get angry at them and blame them for not being there for you. This is toxic on your part because you are expecting them to read your mind and act accordingly. You never asked straightway for their support or love, but you just sat back there waiting for them to hug you and ask you what went wrong without you initiating the conversation.

You can make this situation right by sharing about your day and what put you in a bad mood. If they are not getting the hint, then tell them you want their support and time. Asking the things at the right moment saves the relation many times than asking for it later on in a fight. If you expect them to behave this way, they would also start to expect the same thing from you.

You should find happiness within yourself instead of depending on your partner for it. It will make you less frustrated and save you from lashing out at your partner.

Jealousy is a love language

Being jealous when your partner is around someone attractive is considered a love language in many relationships. People find it sweet at the beginning of the relationship if their partner feels insecure or jealous. Let me tell you, it is not at all sweet. It is very much toxic, and this toxicity will not let you go long run with your partner.

This is toxic because if you feel jealous if your loved one is talking to someone or works with an attractive coworker, then you lack the ability to trust them. Many people justify this situation by saying that they trust their partner, but they do not trust the third person they are hanging out with. You need to understand that if your partner is committed to you, then you do not need to worry about them cheating you. They would cheat if they want to; you can’t control that either.

How to react in such situations

Trust is the only solution to this problem. A small amount of jealousy is normal in every relationship, but it suffocates the other person when it is in excess. The more you try to control them or their actions, the more they will fall out of your hands.

Bringing superficial pleasures into the relationships

This is a very common problem that gives birth to other big problems. If there is any issue in the relation, we try to cover it up by diverting our mind to other things that please us like shopping or going for an outing. The solution is suitable for that time only because it makes us feel good at that moment but in the long run, we are running away from the root problems that will pile up one day and destroy the little amount of peace you had.

How to deal with it

If there is an issue, the only thing that will resolve it is talking about it and discussing it with your partner. Try to understand what the root cause of the issue is and what the solution to it is. If you need reassurance in your relationship, nothing materialistic would assure you of your partner’s love. The only true words coming out of their mouth would do the magic.

These are the basic situations and their possible solutions that we have discussed in this article. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship and cannot deal with it, you must move on with your life. Taking NLP therapy might be the best option for you in such a situation.

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