Picking Out Your Wants and Needs In A Relationship

It is delusional when people say they don’t need anything from their partner. Everybody has some needs and wants from the relationship, they might not know it or are unable to identify them but they do have.

Being so much in love sometimes makes us overlook our emotional needs. We keep focusing on what our partner wants from us or the relationship that we tend to forget that we are equally important and our needs and wants are also meant to be fulfilled.

But it comes back to us when we feel unworthy being in that relationship. At that time, we look for ways to keep things right but nothing works and you are left with the option of moving on from that relationship.

However, you can save your relationship by seeking advice from the NLP trainer to save your relation from falling off the cliff.

So, before it comes to that stage, you have to be clear about what you want from your partner and need from your relationship. It will not only make you and your partner happier in the relation, but keep the relation last long as well.

Just like we need some basic things from life to live, there are some basic requirements in relationships also that keep it going and help us live our lives happily. These basics are mainly the things that we cannot touch but feel. They act as fuel in the car that keeps it going.

In this article, we will talk about some common things that everybody wants from their relation to feel fulfilled. 

Partner being affectionate

Every relation has a different language of affection defined and people express their affection in different ways. Once you are in a relationship, you two get to know the love language of each other.

Wanting affection in the way you want might not be always possible as you have to understand your partner’s way of loving. It is quite important to understand that if your partner does not express love in the way you want them to that does not mean that they do not love you at all.

They might love you the most but their way of expressing themselves is different. But if you feel any sudden change in the way of your partner’s expressing affection, then there must be something to think about it. Then you can decide to have a talk about it and let your partner know whatever you are feeling about it.

You need to make sure that your feelings are equally validated and if anything is wrong or you are feeling something is not right then talking about it is the best way.

Express everything to your partner about whatever you are going through without making them feel confronted. If they understand it, they will definitely do something about it, and if they don’t then it is time to recalculate everything about your relationship once again.

Feel accepted

Acceptance is quite necessary when you are in a relationship. But what we need to understand here is that acceptance is not limited to yourself being accepted as you are by your partner. But it is feeling accepted in your partner’s life and being a part of it. It makes you feel important and arises a sense of belongingness in you.

There might be small things that would make you feel important and accepted such as:

• Get introduced to your partner’s family or friends.
• Being invited to their gatherings
• Planning a future together
• Spending a weekend together
• Asking for advice while making important decisions.

These are very small things that would make you feel worthy and accepted in your partner’s life.

But if you feel that you are not accepted by them or they are not involving you much in their life, then you feel like hanging on the edges. It will make you question your worth being in relation. But you do not have to think negatively instantly, they might have their reasons for not involving you much.

You can talk about it openly and have a conversation with them to sort the things before it gets worse in your head.

Feeling validated

Validation is not overrated if you keep asking it at times from your partner. Everybody needs validation from their partner while being in relation. But the one thing about relation is that there are times when you don’t agree with the same thing or have some difference of opinions.

A couple who has been together for years also have a difference of opinions at times but what makes their relation last long is their understanding and respecting each other’s views. So, you are not wrong when you are asking for validation but being rigid with your opinion is not something that you want.

It can also hurt your partner’s feelings as they also need to feel the same validation from you. So, it goes both ways. Sometimes you need to make your point and other times you have to agree with what they are saying.

But if there is a condition where you have to ask for validation every time there is some discussion or you feel misunderstood every time you try to make your point, then you have to be open about it. If you are the only one compromising and understanding everything then it will start eating you up from inside.

Feeling unheard can be very disrespectful, so do not compromise with that. You need to be respected and loved at the same time.

Individuality

When relation grows, the two people involved also grow closer to each other. They start knowing about each other’s hobbies and interests in life. But when one is deeply involved with their partner, they get so curious to maintain the relationship by keeping the interest of their partner alive in the relation.

In this process, their own interest starts getting lost somewhere and the whole relation starts getting revolved around their partner. There is no denying that when two people are close they start blending and turning into one unit.

But still you what people need to understand that there are two people in a relationship with different personalities and individualities. They have to maintain their hobbies and their personal life and there is nothing wrong with it. Do not get blurred in your partner’s identity.

Maybe in the beginning you won’t realize when you have merged all your routines with your partner’s and everything in your life is revolving around them but with time you will ask yourself about your own identity which somehow got blurred.

So, try to maintain your identity by following your hobbies or doing things in your daily routine that makes you happy without depending upon your partner. It would not involve disrespecting your partner’s choices or resenting them but keeping yours as something important.

Security

The feeling of security is quite important in relationships. Security means different things to different people. Some of the definitions of feeling secure are:

Some feel secure when they feel that their partner respect their boundaries

• When you can open whatever is in your heart and share what you feel
• When you can be sure that they are not going to harm you physically
• Feel the support and motivation from your partner

If you feel unsafe with your partner, you must take help from the professional or the NLP coach to realize if they are wrong or you need to clear things from your head.

Things you must consider in a relationship

There are certain things that you need to rethink while being in a relation. Needs and wants can change with time. It is not certain that your needs will change only with the change in relation or partner. While being in the same relation, you can have varying needs when the time changes.

After a few years, you will notice that when time passes by, the situation changes and your needs also changes with the change in the phase of your relation. You can keep your partner updated with whatever need you to have at that particular stage of your relation. You need to know:

Not everybody has the same needs

The needs are not fixed for every human. For instance, your partner’s demands may be respect more than love or space more than the time to be spent together. Nothing reflects that they don’t love you but people demand different things in relation.

You cannot force someone to share every single thing if they are a private person. They need some privacy. So, it needs good communication and clarity on your partner’s needs and wants for a successful relationship.

Not every need can be fulfilled

It is completely fine to have your needs and expect your partner to understand them. But you cannot expect your partner to fulfill every need and desire that you have. It is not possible to completely satisfy any human. So, try stepping into your partner’s shoes and understand their language of love.