Why Working on Your Shadow Self is Equally Important
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December 6, 2021It is quite common to feel less confident on some days, but letting this feeling overcome you is not healthy at all. We all have some insecurities hidden or expressed. But if we keep watering the insecurities inside us, they will start affecting our emotional and physical well-being. The feeling of not being enough for your job, or your partner can take a toll on both.
The fear of losing your partner and thinking that you are not good enough would develop jealousy and you both will end up arguing over trifles. Professional insecurities make you afraid of getting a promotion or you will be thinking constantly that you are not capable of the job or you do not have the required skills.
But there is still hope for the people who are highly insecure about the major things in life and live their life in fear. Yes, you can overcome your insecurities and build self-esteem for a stress-free life. It is definitely not an easy process but the tough root of discovering a better you is worth taking.
Define your value
Do not underestimate yourself or your value for others. Try proclaiming your value by the little things you do for others like helping your neighbor, your colleague, or any stranger in the street who needed help and you came forward to give your helping hand to him. These are the things that may boost your confidence in yourself and you would feel that you are worthy to others. Knowing your value would start depleting the negative thoughts running across your mind and you would be able to see your worth.
Start working on your self-needs
Stop living up to the expectations of others for once and think of your own needs. If you are not happy with yourself, you would not be happy with anyone else. So start noting down what you need and what your body needs.
Pamper yourself with a good body massage or a spa or get your favorite haircut you have been planning to get.
Go out with a friend and eat what you have wanted to eat for a long time.
Exercise or even dance for a few minutes in a day on your favorite song.
Get a break from social media or the long tiring calls that bother you.
Cook your favorite dish
Enjoy the “me time” and nurture yourself with your favorite hobby, even if it includes a peaceful sleep.
Talk to yourself nicely and with compassion.
You just need to recognize the things that make you happy and follow your heart.
Accept your awkwardness
There are many situations when we feel embarrassed and start feeling insecure. But we have to accept the fact that there are embarrassing situations with everybody which are not under our control. So, we must let go of the overthinking part over these situations and embrace the fact that every human fumbles at one or another point in life. So, what you can do to get out of this situation is by laughing at it or thinking of it as a funny incident instead of remembering it as something that you are ashamed of.
Avoid the negative thoughts
It is easy to get flooded by negative thoughts after committing a mistake that too when you feel less of yourself. The negativity surrounds us when we fail to achieve something that we have been targeting for a long time. But you need to tell yourself that one mistake or one failure does not make you worthless or it does not at all define who you are as a human being. Do not keep stuck there and try moving on.
Tell yourself, “I am better than this and it is just one mistake”.
Try noting down the negative thoughts when they come to your brain so you can work on them later on. Sometimes, we are not able to control our thoughts instead they start controlling us. Writing them down would help us get rid of them by looking for something positive in the same situation.
If you have faced the same situation in the past, then follow the same pattern and try working on it in the same way. The more you practice it, the more it will be easier to overcome your insecurities.
Surround yourself with your favorite people
The people who love us work as a healing power whenever we feel low or depressed. Therefore, spending time with your best friend or anyone who you think understands you in a better way is the best way to boost your self-esteem. These kind of people are quite important for our emotional well-being. They motivate us and inspire us to be the best version of ourselves. They even remind us of all the good things about ourselves that we were taking for granted.
Having a cup of coffee with your favorite person and discussing the issues would work as a therapy session.
Inviting them over for dinner sometimes would give you a happy feeling to do something good for them and you would feel much content.
Accept their appreciation of you and the way they flatter you. You will definitely feel the best.
Stay away from vulnerable situations
Is there any specific person who makes you feel insecure about yourself? Or any particular situation that challenges your self-esteem? If yes, then just stay away from those people or avoid those situations that make you feel any less of yourself. Before diving into the negative thoughts next time, you need to think about the situation or observe the behavior of other people around you that stresses you out. And for the sake of yourself, don’t let yourself indulge in such things.
Contemplate the good parts
Appreciating yourself is not as bad as it looks especially when you are at a point of losing your self-esteem. Sometimes you just need to celebrate even the small wins that you have earned. You may not feel that comfortable in this practice but it is worth gaining your confidence back. Being proud of yourself does not mean that you feel any less of others, you just need to appreciate yourself as well while counting others’ achievements.
Keep the compliments saved from the people who congratulated you at the time of success or appreciated your hard work.
Whenever you feel insecure or less worthy, you must look at your previous achievements and remind yourself that you are capable of achieving even more.
At the end of the day, you must write down a couple of things that you achieved that day or the things that made you feel proud of yourself.
These will help gain your self-esteem and boost your confidence.
Indulge in activities that make you happy
Taking out some free time to make yourself happy is the best step towards self-care. Working on the things that please your soul like gardening or reading some good book is the best way to soothe yourself. Whenever you feel low, spend time on your favorite hobby to distract your mind.
Believe in taking baby steps
Try and understand that the day you start working on the process, would not be a magical day. The things would be as same the next morning as they were the night before. The only difference would be your thinking process that would be working towards the change and your perspective would change. It will be a long process that will take a lot of time and you might face a few discouragements as well. But don’t let yourself stop at the small hurdles in between the process and move towards making yourself a better version.
Taking a therapy
Talking to an nlp practitioner is all you need sometimes. If you are not finding any hope of getting better then a therapy session with the professional is the best way to talk and let go of the things that are holding you back. For some people, it is the best option as they feel quite difficult to open up to their friend circle and talk about their insecurities to any known people.
Get idea from the books
There are numerous books available from famous authors about insecurities and boosting self-esteem. You can take up any good and read it in your free time. It would be a plus if reading is your hobby. Half of the issues would be solved merely by reading it as you would be doing something of your preference for your personal growth.
At last, we can say that there is no one who hasn’t had any insecurity in his life but what matters, at last, is how we deal with it and do not let it get over our head. So, stop hesitating and do whatever is the current need.